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Big Ben Suspended – Pittsburgh is to Blame

I’m going at this from a different angle… (That’s what Ben probably said to that girl.)

The city of Pittsburgh should be ashamed.

Not of Ben, but of themselves.

When I think of Miami I think of hot women, when I think of Pittsburgh I think of ugly women. And it’s not Pittsburgh’s fault. The ones to blame here are the ugly people who chose to settle up North once it started getting hot in the South – They clearly were the ones who didn’t want to take their clothes off to show their ugly. THOSE are the people to blame here… from hundreds of years ago.

Yes, this is ridiculous.

And yes, It’s a little biased. But it’s true.

When I was in college we went to Panama City for Spring Break – every attractive female we met was from the South, every unattractive female we met was from the North. It’s Science.

So the city of Pittsburgh’s ugliness caused Ben to travel to smalltown Georgia to find a girl… unfortunately for Ben, outside the city of Pittsburgh nobody cares about him and not one of the thousands of ugly Pittsburgh women dying to have forced relations with him resides in Milledgeville, GA.

In all seriousness – I hope there wasn’t a victim in this.

Do I think he’s guilty? Partially. But he hasn’t been formally charged with anything. Do I think this is blown out of proportion? For now I do… the only details known are that he walked up to her with his penis in his hand. If anything, that’s kind of funny.

So here’s to Big Ben, or maybe Little Ben if we find out any explicit details.


April 21, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment

Elliot vs. CDR

Last night via twitter two of the station hosts Dan Wolken and Chris Vernon had a gentleman’s debate over CDR vs Elliot Williams. I don’t know who won because the grounds of the discussion changed a few times. But it did revolve around Elliot vs CDR – so I felt the need to chime in with unbiased research. This may be the only time I will ever try to be unbiased.

Comparison of sophomore years at Memphis:

Points per game: Elliot – 18, CDR – 15.5
Rebounds per game: Elliot – 4, CDR – 3.5
Assists per game: Elliot – 4, CDR – 2
Steals per game: Elliot – 0.1, CDR – 0.5
Minutes per game: Elliot – 33, CDR – 27
FG %: Elliot – 46%, CDR – 54%
Free throw %: Elliot – 76%, CDR – 73%
FG attempts: Elliot – 388, CDR – 357
Three attempts: Elliot – 164, CDR – 58.
Turnovers per game: Elliot – 3, CDR – 2.
Team Success: Elliot – NIT 2nd round, CDR – Elite 8.

Clearly the stat that means the most is where you end up at the end of the year, but I have seen teams overachieve…(cough, cough) Butler.

After looking at all these I decided to change a couple things: Give CDR those 6 more minutes and on the scale of ppg his numbers would jump to 18.9 – one point higher than Elliots. Rebounds would jump to 4.2, and assists would jump to 2.4. So basically identical numbers when you factor in the turnovers which makes the three big stats a moot point.

The stat that is misleading is the FG %. CDR shot 54% from the field as a sophomore, which is amazing, Elliot shot 46 %. But given that CDR only took 58 three’s and Elliot took 164 – you can use that stat either way.

But that’s my look at it. Not including rosters or any other things that people will bring up.

Have a bless-ed day.

April 13, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

My Olympic Thoughts

This may be my only Olympic related post so you better like it.

I can name six Olympians:

Johnny Weir – he’s hilarious.
Lindsey Vonn – thanks to Sports Illustrated.
Shaun White – thanks to video games.
Apollo Ohno – thanks to his stupid chin beard.
Ryan Miller – thanks to being awesome.
Bode Miller – thanks to him being the Dick Clark of skiing. Yes, this is his fourth Olympics.

Here’s my thoughts:
After the Olympics I’ll go back to never watching hockey. It doesn’t matter that the game was on MSNBC or NBC. I’ve never watched hockey before so why would I change that habit after 28 years of a life that rules?

I think Curling could be a fun sport if there were a local interest in town. It’s giant shuffleboard, and who doesn’t like shuffleboard? You find a way to incorporate alcohol with Curling and you have yourself a sport I would want to play. The startup has to be cheap – you buy a broom.

Speaking of curling I had a thought via twitter the other day – there should be an inspirational black film in the style of Cool Runnings and adapt curling to it. There’s not an urban vibe to curling, and I for one would like to see it. On top of that – it’s time for an original black inspirational film. Hollywood is really reaching with the swim team, and the one about the debate team. There’s only so much that can inspire me about swimming and debating.

When my wife and I decide to have a kid I think I will teach him to curl, or speed skate. The odds of having your kid become an olympic speed skater are probably pretty good considering most parents force their kids to play baseball, basketball, or football. If we have a girl, we’ll get her to snowboard. To win a gold medal in the half pipe apparently all it takes is not falling down.

The figure skater with the mullet should’ve won. It doesn’t matter what anyone else did. If you can do something no one else in the world can do – you win. It’s like when that one chick won the halfpipe because she was the only one not to fall down. She got the gold.

I’m sure my wife will continue to watch figure skating and my dignity will continue to dwindle down.

Bobsleigh is far and away the coolest thing to watch. It’s like Goodfellas – once you start watching it you can’t change the channel. And then you realize three hours have gone by.

Skiing is pretty cool to watch. I’ll watch it as long something better is not on. But it’s the winter olympics, so something better is usually on.

That’s all I got.

February 22, 2010 Posted by | Random | Leave a comment

The Brighter Side of Things…

I failed to post last week… look at the bright side – there is no bright side to this.

Ronnie Brewer out several weeks after only a few minutes into the game… look at the bright side Griz fans – you get more Mike Conley.

USA defeats Canada in hockey… look at the bright side Canadians, at least you still have the Canadian Football League. (the thought of this also made me reflect on the state of Canadian Sports, and the state is pitiful.)

Ice Dancing is gay. But look on the bright side Skating fans – Johnny Weir now looks manly compared to ice dancing.

February 22, 2010 Posted by | Random | Leave a comment

Pierre’s Departure – My Gut Reaction

My gut can be hilarious sometimes – It forced me to write a few things some might find offensive. But, please, don’t blame it on me. Blame it on my gut. It can be a cynical a-hole sometimes.

My first gut reaction / twitter post to the news breaking that some might call too soon:

“Pierre has left the team to focus on his education.”
– That was a mean thing to say, how could it ever insinuate that Pierre is not an excellent student. I’ve convinced it to take that one back.

“Pierres going to learn quick that you go from pouring fine champagne on ho’s booties to pouring Boones Farm.” – That was awful. Again, my gut was insinuating something that is completely not true. He can pour all the finest champagne on whatever booty he likes. Whether he’s a Memphis Tiger or not.

My thoughts since then:

I really hope that Preston Laird doesn’t get arrested. If he does there is no hope for kids out of Memphis playing for the UofM. Recent Memphis kids: Andre Allen, Pierre Niles, and Jeremy Hunt.

Pierre couldn’t catch to begin with. I’m being dead serious when I tell you that every time the ball was thrown to Pierre I would think of Coach Wally Rig from the movie Necessary Roughness yelling out “Don’t throw it stone-hands” when Featherstone was wide open in the end zone.

Pastner definitely gets the free pass now – he’s got one legit big man. And don’t tell me that Angel Garcia is a baller – he clearly isn’t a baller.

February 9, 2010 Posted by | Memphis Tigers, NCAA Basketball | Leave a comment

The Brighter Side of Things…

Special Tuesday edition… Basically because I forgot to do it yesterday.

Today’s hilarious bully photo:

The following need to see the brighter side of things:

Colts Fans – Look at the bright side, At least it wasn’t Brett Favre who beat you.

Vols Fans – Look at the bright side, At least it wasn’t Woodson who caught the Manning pick 6.

Grizzlies Fans – Look at the bright side, At least you still have a winning record… and Mike Conley.

Memphis Tiger fans – Look at the bright side, At least now you won’t have to watch Pierre “Don’t throw it to stone-hands” Niles try to play basketball anymore.

February 9, 2010 Posted by | Random | Leave a comment

New Orleans Drinking Game

Special thanks to BroBible.com for this.

1. Every time they mention hurricane Katrina, drink 1.
2. If they show pictures of the City of New Orleans right after Katrina, drink 1.
3. Every time they say how much the Saints mean to the City of New Orleans, drink 1.
4. Every time the words “tragedy”, “flood”, or “devastation” are used, drink 1.
5. Every time they talk about how good Reggie Bush was in college, drink 3.
6. If they show Kim Kardashian in the stands, drink 5.
7. Every time they show a picture of Reggie Bush with a bat or say “bringing the wood” drink for 5 seconds.
8. Every time Reggie Bush gets negative yardage trying to run around in the backfield a bunch and outrun the defense, drink 1 and turn to the person next to you and say “I told you Vince Young should have won the Heisman.”
9. Every time Reggie Bush gets up and flexes his arms in that pose he likes to do, drink 1.
10. If they mention Tim Tebow for any reason, funnel a beer
11. Every time they say that “it’s destiny for the Saints to win” drink 1.
12. If they show footage of Katrina survivors at the Superdome, take a shot of cheap liquor.
13. If they call Saints fans the most passionate fans in football, drink 1.
14. If they say that the Saints, Saints fans, or the City of New Orleans “deserve” a Superbowl victory, drink 1.
15. Every time they say how good of a story the Saints are, drink 1.
16. If Jeremy Shockey pretends to be hurt after dropping a pass, drink 2.
17. If they mention the Saints beating the Falcons in 2006 in the first game after Katrina in the Superdome, drink 5 and remember that we are still a better football team with better fans.
18. Every time they compare hurricane Katrina to the Haiti earthquake, funnel a beer and yell “bullshit!”
19. Every time they mention Drew Brees as the Mardi Gras king, drink.
20. Every time they show Archie Manning, drink 1, and mention how bad he sucked. If they show old footage of him on the Saints, drink 5. If they mention how tough of a decision it was for him as for whom to cheer for, drink 10.
21. Every time they show a saints fan yelling “Who dat!” Or a sign/shirt saying the same, drink 1.
22. If they show Chris Paul at the game, drink 1 and mention to someone how much better he is than Marvin Williams.
23. If they show former Mayor Ray Nagin, drink 5 and then punch someone in the face.

Other Rules not involving the Saints:
1. Every time they show Eli Manning in the press box, drink 1.
2. Every time Pierre Garcon is mentioned with Haiti, drink 1.
3. If Brett Favre is mentioned for any reason, drink 1.

February 7, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Rudy Proves me wrong…

Today’s ridiculous bullying photo found on google image:

Yes, I’ll admit I was wrong. He gave me exactly what I asked for: 25 points. Now it’s OJ’s turn. OJ hasn’t necessarily stunk it up but I could be onto something here when it comes to calling people out. So here it is, OJ – we need 25 points from YOU this time. Make it happen.

Regarding the Lakers / Griz game last night there’s not a whole lot to complain about. The top team in the Western Conference went down in a nail-biter while their top player went for 40 points. There were a couple “Holy Crap” moments, however.

Rudy’s full court shot with 7 seconds on the clock is still laughable.
Lester Hudson dropping a 3 in Kobe’s eye is laughable.
Hasheem Thabeet missing a layup off the bottom of the rim is laughable.
Mike Conley missing 2 free throws with the game on the line is… depressing. C’mon man. As a guard you’re asked to do two key things: Make free throws and don’t turn the ball over.

But hey, a win’s a win. And this, was a great win. Tonight could be epic – a possible sweep of the Cavs.


February 2, 2010 Posted by | Grizzlies, NBA | Leave a comment

Grizzlies Blew It. It’s all Rudy’s Fault…

No other way to put it. They blew it.

I blame it on Rudy Gay. (Conley’s just too easy)

His twitter explains why:

“A little depressed right now ”
2:34 PM Jan 28th from UberTwitter

RT @djxsremix: RT @KevinDurant35: @rudygay22 why u depressed son? <–All Star Game KD…don't worry RG, you'll have plenty!(Thanks boss)
8:00 PM Jan 28th from UberTwitter

Rudy's crying about not making it into the all star game and is loafing around on the court. Basically, he's pouting.

Since the all-star announcement Rudy's had nine points, and then 10 points. C'mon man! You want 60 million and can't step up in the thick of the playoff race? Yes, I'm calling you out. Please prove me wrong.

Author's note: Keep in mind this is my ridiculous theory because hating on Mike Conley for letting Darren Collison get a career high 18 assists is just too easy.

As for the game – Marc looked good, Zach looked good, OJ was decent with a costly turnover, Mike Conley was Mike Conley, and Hasheem Thabeet was just plain bad.

Rudy – drop 25 on the Lakers tonight and all will be forgiven. Punch Pau in the face, and I'll buy a Rudy Gay jersey.

February 1, 2010 Posted by | Grizzlies, NBA | Leave a comment

My five stages… as a lifelong fan.

Author’s note: I know this picture has nothing to do with this post but this is one of the options that came up when I typed in “kids crying” so that I could illustrate my feeling about the Tiger’s loss. And this picture was way too good to pass up.

Regarding the Memphis Tigers loss to SMU I’ve gone through all five stages of grief in the Kubler-Ross Model…

Stage one: Denial.
No way! It’s SMU – THAT didn’t happen! It’s SMU! The bottom of the barrell. The team you get as a joke when you play NCAA basketball on PS3.

Stage two: Anger.
We lost to freakin’ SMU. What kind of weenies are we putting out there to get out strengthed by these low lifes?

Stage three: Bargaining.
It’s ok. They had UAB on the ropes at home too… We can still win this conference and you know what? If we don’t we’ll go to the NIT. Hey, Kentucky went to the NIT, brought in the #1 recruiting class and now they’re a top 5 team.

Stage four: Depression.
There’s a lot of happy people out there right now about the Tigers losing… fml.

Stage five: Acceptance
The future looks bright, this is a good learning experience. I accept things.

February 1, 2010 Posted by | Memphis Tigers, NCAA Basketball | Leave a comment